As pious parents, generally speaking, bring up pious children, so also bad parents bring up bad children. Children easily imitate what they see; but they imitate more readily bad actions, to which nature is inclined, than the example of virtue, to which nature has a repugnance; and though they may sometimes think to themselves that this or that thing is bad, yet when they see their parents do it, they conclude that it is also lawful for them to do it. Hence it generally happens that, if parents are cold and indifferent in the practice of their religion, their children will be so too.

Father Guyon relates that a certain young man, named Alphonse, was brought up by his mother in the purest principles of religion. He made an excellent first communion, and afterwards his piety, his fidelity to all his duties, seemed to go on increasing. Nevertheless, when he had reached the age of about seventeen, he appeared to relax very sensibly. His mother was grieved to see him gradually laying aside his pious practices. At last he even ceased to frequent the sacraments and to discharge the first duties of a Christian. His mother could not imagine to what to attribute the cause of results so sad, for Alphonse frequented neither bad company, nor did he read bad books. One day she went into his room, and there, alone with him, shed an abundance of tears, and conjured him to tell her whence came this change in his conduct. “Why, mother, you are wrong to trouble yourself so about me: I am always the same, I love you as much as ever.” — “Ah ! my son, you are making believe that you do not understand me. I do not doubt your affection for me; but was not God deserving of all your love? Why, then, have you changed in his regard?” — “But, mother!” — ” Come, come, my son, hide nothing from me.” — “Well, since you require it, I will tell you. In my first years I loved religion, I practised it with all my heart, and I was happy, — oh! yes, I was happy! But, since then, — I have reflected. I love you still very much, my dear mother, but I see that I am old enough now not to imitate you. Now, I am going to do as my father does: he is a good man, every one says, but I see that he performs no act of religion, and I want to be like him, for fear of displeasing him.” — ” Ah ! my son, what do you say? what a revelation! ” Thereupon she ran to her husband’s apartment, alarmed him by her tears and sighs, and had only strength to say these words: “Oh husband, your son! ” and then fainted away. Her husband did all he could to restore her to consciousness, succeeded at last, and learned from her what had just passed. The father was overcome; he acknowledged his fault to his son, and exclaimed: “Ah, my son, that lesson is too much for me, I cannot resist it — you bring me back to virtue.” The same day they both went to a priest, confessed, and returned to the way of religion, from which they strayed no more. (Noel, Cat. de Rodez, v., 82.)

Parents, then, become guilty of sin by setting a bad example to their children. They become still more guilty if they command their children to do things that are forbidden by the laws of God, or of the Church. In this case they commit two sins, — one against parental love, and another against the virtue which they command their children to violate.

Most lamentable, indeed, are the results arising from the bad example of parents, for bad parents not only ruin their own souls, but they also lead, by their bad example, the souls of their children and grandchildren to everlasting perdition. Such parents are called by St. Bernard, not the parents, but the murderers of their children. Holy Scripture tells us that Nadab led a very impious life. What was the cause of it? The bad example of his father Jeroboam. “And Nadab did evil in the sight of the Lord, and walked in the ways of his father, and in his sins.” (3 Kings xv., 26.) If parents curse, blaspheme, utter unbecoming words, speak ill of priests and their neighbor, if they steal, etc., their children will do the same; if the father spends days and nights in drinking-saloons, in gambling houses, and often comes home drunk, what wonder if his son soon follows the example of his father! If the mother is worldly-minded, fond of worldly pleasures, fashionable dressing, no one finds it strange if her daughter resembles her in this respect.

One day a little boy ran away from his parents. On arriving at a strange place, he was asked by the people, “Where are you going to?” The boy could not answer. “From what place have you come? ” He was silent. “What is your name ?” — ” My name,” said he, “is Devil.”

” What is your father’s name?” — ” Devil,” he replied. “What is your mother’s name?” — ” Devil’ he answered again, to the great astonishment of the people. Now how did it happen that this boy thought that his name and the name of his parents was Devil? It happened most naturally. His parents never called him by any other name. His father always called his wife by that name, and his mother never called her husband by any other name.

Ah! let parents preach to their children from morning till night, all will be in vain, if they set a bad example to them. It is related that a crab-fish reproved his young for walking crookedly. The young replied : “Let us see how you walk!” It is thus, Christian parents, that your sons and daughters will say, when you tell them not to be idle, to say their morning and night prayers, to go to Church, to Confession and Holy Communion, not to curse and to swear, etc. “Father, mother,” they will say, “give us the example. Kneel down with us to say our morning and night prayers; go along with us to hear Mass and receive the sacraments; teach us by your example to be chaste in our language, to avoid unlawful pleasures and amusements, to hate what is wrong and practise our religion, then we shall believe your words and go by them.” But as long as your example teaches the contrary of your words, we are always tempted to say to you, “Physician, cure yourself first and then you may see how to cure us.”

A little girl named Aggie, whom I know, was left by her parents for a short time in care of her aunt, who taught her to bless herself and pray before and after meals. When she was home again she blessed herself before she took her dinner. ” Why, Aggie,” asked her father, ” do you make the sign of the cross before you begin to eat?” ” Papa,” said Aggie, ” aunt always blesses herself, and prays before her meals.” At the next meal Aggie did not bless herself, and being asked why she did not, she answered, “Because papa and mamma do not do it.”

How will children, condemned to hell through the fault of their parents, speak to them in the other world?” Accursed father,” the son will say, “it is through your fault that I have now to suffer eternal torments. You always talked to me about vain, perishable things, but seldom about God and the life to come. You told me how to make my fortune in the world, but you never or seldom furnished me with a means by which I might work out my salvation. What I learned from you was cursing, blaspheming, speaking against priests and religion. By your example you taught me to drink to excess, to stay out at night and gamble. You never cared to know what places and company I frequented, or whether or not I lived up to my religious duties. When I happened to break something in the house, you showed your rage by calling on all the devils of hell; but if I blasphemed, or used improper language, you passed it over in silence. To save a few dollars you sent me to a godless school, where I soon became acquainted with all sorts of vice, and learned to be indifferent towards God and my eternal salvation. Alas, my father is the murderer of my soul!”

“Accursed mother,” a daughter will cry and howl, “you have brought me up for hell. I would always have remained modest, bashful and humble, if you had not talked to me about the pleasures and amusements and vanities of the world. I preserved my baptismal innocence unspotted until you took me into dangerous company, where I learned how to joke and make love. I was pious till you let me run about idle, walk about with persons of the other sex, and play and be alone with them at night. Ah, mother, you are the murderer of my soul! “

Cruel father! impious mother! Had you immediately after my birth, strangled me or made me die of hunger and thirst, I could easily forgive you for this kind of cruelty; I then would not be so unhappy as I am now. Ah, would I had never become your child! Father, why did you procure food and raiment for me! Mother, why did you nurse me! Was it not to be buried in the eternal flames of hell! to curse God and you forever! If you did not care to bring me up for heaven, why did you become my parents? Would it not have been better for me to be your pig or dog, than your child? Cruel, most barbarous parents ! Accursed murderers of my soul! “

Pinellus relates (in his work De Altera Vita) that one day a holy man, while in ecstasy, was led to hell by his guardian angel. There he was shown different kinds of the most excruciating torments which the damned had to suffer. Among other damned souls he also saw a father and his son, tied together with a double chain, beating and cursing each other in a most frightful manner. “You accursed son!” cried the father. “You accursed father!” replied the son, “you are the cause of my damnation, because you did not bring me up in the fear of the Lord.”

Dignity, Authority, And Duties of Parents, Ecclesiastical and Civil Powers-Their Enemy
~Father Michael Müller